Personal.

So I've been thinking about this post for awhile. This is a journal entry that I wrote once when I was going through a really hard experience. I think of it often whenever I start to feel things aren't going well. Or actually even day to day. It's been a really sweet analogy for me in my life and it's rather personal.... so I've been debating whether or not to post it. But it's really helped me to see things clearly so I figured... why not.

        It’s late, but I just need to record my love for the Lord.... with recent experiences, I feel like my faith is being tried. As the world crashes and blows round me, I’ve been blessed with the faith to keep my eyes on the Savior and right now... I’m walking on water. I know who leads me, I know who is in charge and He is walking right beside me and guiding me in love and righteousness. I know that I am exactly where He wants me to be. And thats an amazing blessing.

       Sometimes I can picture He and I, standing together in a crowded room full of noise and wind and people and things rushing by. I feel frightened, so I hold His hands and I look into His eyes. He smiles His reassurance. Then the wind really starts to pick up and the noise becomes deafening, the sky gets darker. So I hold a little tighter and step closer to Him. Once again, I stare into His eyes. He doesn’t say a word, just nods and smiles. I hold on. Soon, the floor starts to shift underneath my feet, like the room is starting to spin. I hold desperately to His hands and take a step closer. The spinning floor brings me to my knees. I’m crying. But I notice that He is on His knees with me. He has the power to stop it all-- the noise, the spinning, the screaming, the terror. But instead, He continues to smile reassuringly, with tears in His eyes. He continues to grip my hands tightly-- I can feel the nail marks in His where He has graven me upon them. As I focus on this I realize that the portion of the floor that He and I are kneeling on isn’t moving. It’s staying firm. As the world tumbles and crumbles around us, I’m focused on Him. He is the one keeping me firm, He is the one keeping me safe and I know I am safe as long as I keep moving with Him. And I am not letting go. 

         The Lord is so incredibly boundless in His blessings and mercies, for which I am eternally grateful. I’m not sure who I am to deserve such goodness, but I try to be ever grateful. I truly feel joy--true joy-- and peace in my life. How eternally and constantly grateful I am for the love of my God, for the gospel, and for my understanding that following what the prophet teaches is what leads to happiness and eternal life. I know these things to be true to the depths of my soul.

About 2 weeks after writing this journal entry, I was one day reading through an old list from high school of my favorite scriptures and I came across this one:

Alma 26: 6-8

      “Yea, they shall not be beaten down by the storm at the last day; yea, neither shall they be harrowed up by the whirlwinds; but when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them. 

      “But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day. 

      “Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever.”

I could not believe how equally it matched my journal entry, even the last verse about blessing the name of God. It was amazing. The church is true.

I hope that all of your lives are going well and that you are happy. I hope your lives are peaceful and that you are fulfilling all of your dreams. But in case you aren't, and in case it seems you can't right now, I just thought I'd share my testimony this Sabbath evening that there is someone who understands more perfectly than we could ever know exactly what we're going through. No matter what kind of pain it is, He knows. He's been there, He understands and He is waiting for each of us to run to him. 

I was reading my Aunt Laura's journal yesterday -- she passed away when I was 11 after suffering for a long time with an illness. She shared this brief story.

".... I was thinking of the dear story Barb [another of my aunts] told me yesterday about Shelby [Barb's daughter, I think she would have been about 2?] all dressed in her pink snow boots and oversized coat. She had gone outside when all of the sudden Barb heard her calling. She looked out the window to see her spread eagle on a patch of ice. She wasn't hurt, she just couldn't get up. Then she saw Brogan [older brother, about 5] running to her calling "Hang on Shelby, I'm coming!" What a sweet picture! I then thought that we are as Shelby sometimes with Christ calling "Hang on, I'm coming!"  

Christ really is right there-- right there waiting for us to take His hand and to have faith in His power to change us. I can testify of the sweet experience it is to reach up and take His hand and walk with Him through the paths of life. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and more specifically for the gift of my testimony and for the sweet experience of using the atonement in my life.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.